"The Class List" ...What If A Child with Special Needs Is In Your Child's Class?....

This post is something that has been rattling around in my head for the last week....

For the last week I have been thinking about "The Class List...."
It is almost time for school to resume...all the back to school commercials are playing round the clock, new clothes and backpacks and folders are being bought...and the ever exciting day that the "class lists" will be posted up on the office windows are soon to arrive. I don't know about you but I LOVED that day...COULDN'T wait for that day. I'd roller skate up to the school to check out the lists and hope that at least one bestie was in the same class as me...then I'd dream of what the new school year would hold.
The class list held a lot of weight as to what kind of year it would be for a kid... Spot the school bully on your list? Well, you knew you'd have to watch your back.... Spot the booger picker? You made a mental note to sit on the far side of the room away from them... Spot the cute kid you'd had a secret crush on on the list? ...You went home to spiff up your wardrobe. Yes indeed, it held a lot of weight, that class list.
But, WHAT IF you were a parent standing there next to your child scanning the lists with them and you notice a name...and know it to be of a child with special needs. What would your initial thoughts be? ..I'm talking your true, honest, quiet thoughts in your head that you might not share out...

Would it be, "Good for them for "Fully Including" their child"?
Would it be, "I think this is good, my child will learn from this experience".
Would it be, "Oh yay, we love __insert child's name___!"

Or would it be......

"This is terrible, kids with special needs belong in special ed classes!"
"Having this child in class is going to rob my child of their education because the teacher is going to have to spend so much attention on them!"
"I'm going to complain, I don't want that kid in class with my kid!"

One if not all three of those last responses belong to an entire group of parents in the next county over from me. A few years ago there was a situation where a little girl with Down syndrome was going to be fully included into one of the kindergarten classes on campus. "Fully Included" means she would school the entire day in a "general education" class from beginning to end just like everyone else assigned to that class...whereas if someone were to be "Mainstreamed" that means that for part of their day they would mainstream into the general ed class setting say for art or science or some subject but the remainder of their day would be with a special ed class. At any rate....this little girl was going to be fully included into the kindergarten classroom... and she showed up on the "class list".
In response, the parents of the children who would also be in that classroom were upset....felt their child's education was going to be harmed and started a petition NOT to have her allowed in their child's class. This is seriously what happened, parent after parent signed their name to that petition... just down the road from me a hop and a skip and just a few years ago. The school got the petition, the school buckled under the pressure....and the parent had to fight for her to stay on that class list. Her parents had to take it to the district level, argue their case, and remind them that their daughter had a legal right to school in that class. Their point was made and the little girl was allowed to remain in that class.
As I type... I can just imagine that confrontation this family had to face with essentially their own "neighbors" in the neighborhood who were rejecting their child.... I would feel so kicked in the gut by my community. I am proud of the little girl's parents for holding their head high and fighting for what was right for their daughter. In the end, the family did not start her in that particular kindergarten...where her parents would need to stand shoulder to shoulder at drop off and pick up each day with all the parents who signed the petition not to allow their child in class... They fought their fight, made their point, and then enrolled their child at a different school where she was embraced. I can't say I blame them under the circumstance.
Grown adults can be cruel, we can be uninformed, we can hold onto harmful biases, we can be arrogant and seclusive and insensitive. ....and sometimes we don't even realize we are being this way.

For those of you thinking... maybe those "petition" parents were right...maybe she would of robbed the other kids of their education". My response would be.... "Where is the evidence of that?"...they never gave the little girl the chance to prove her abilities...she was shot down because of unfounded parental fears before she even got to start her first day of school. In many cases children who are Fully Included are given full time aides beginning in kindergarten, so had she needed extra assistance she would have had her aide. This little girl would not have robbed anyone's child of their education. The thing however that most certainly was robbed was for the opportunity for "their" children to learn about acceptance and compassion and differences in a very real way..lessons that cannot be taught from a text book the way loving and accepting a peer would.
What about the response... "Kids with special needs belong in special ed classes?" My response would be, "Not necessarily, depends on the child and the child's needs...". To say they should ONLY be in special ed classes would be putting a child in a box and dare I make the comparison would be like me telling you your tall, skinny kid belongs only on the basketball team. What if baseball was actually a better fit for him, far be it from me to deny him that....nor the room to allow him to grow in that sport. There are beautiful special education classes and there are beautiful general education classes with teachers who welcome working with a child with special needs. Each special needs child has different needs and believe me, parents think long and hard about the choices for their child's education..... and those decisions are best placed in the hands of the parents who know their child best and the team of specialists and school administrators who form his/her team....not insensitive petition signing parents, that's for sure.
Why do parents choose to Fully Include? ....Sometimes it is because they feel their child would benefit from the role models their "typically developing peers" would be for them, sometimes it is because they feel their child can learn right along with the other children (and they can), sometimes it is because they feel that the high expectations that would be held for that child would motivate them to reach beyond their limitations, sometimes it is because their typically developing peers would be hugely beneficial for them in regards to speech modeling or perhaps even social modeling.

So, we take that step for our child and hope that we are not met with parents who respond as the group I had mentioned above. And as we stand there shoulder to shoulder at pick up and drop off and we see parents smile lovingly at our child... or they comment about how glad they are that our child is in class with their child... or comment on how well they did something.... or reassure you when a naughty incident happens that all kids have naughty moments.... I cannot even begin to tell you how much those words mean, truly....... they. mean. so. much!
So IF a child with special needs does indeed end up on your child's class list and you have reservations about it.... please watch and see, you just may be surprised, your pre-conceived ideas just might change.... and the words of encouragement you might even find yourself sharing with the child's parent... will make you both feel great. And... if all those things just mentioned do occur, well then I hope your child ends up on MY child's "class list"!


** Disclaimer: Sometimes, we as parents feel that mainstreaming might be better for our child, or it might be better for our child to school solely in a special ed class..... all those options are beautiful options if and when it is the right fit for our child, and we'll know when it is. I don't want anyone to get the impression that I am saying we as special needs parents are failing if we choose not to "Fully Include", that is not what I am saying or how I feel at all.

Reid's "Typical" Preschool Placement... Letter to the Parents

One of the reasons I started blogging and became so interested in other blogs was because as a parent of a child with special needs I have found that "other special needs parents" are my best resource. I have found this time and time again to be true and have gleaned some really useful information from others.... how lucky am I that the Down syndrome community is riddled with fabulous mom and dad bloggers who are fierce researchers and information seekers and that they share their findings so that we might all benefit from it...so that our kids benefit from it. It is really a beautiful and powerful thing!

So, in that vein there is something that I wanted to share that I have not thoroughly put out there....and that is Reid's preschool placement. As he was nearing 3 back in 2009 we knew his IEP with the school district was soon to be here, near Christmastime, and the school would recommend a special needs preschool setting for him.... however, we had always said that IF he could handle it we wanted Reid to go to the same typical preschool that Luke went to. Our philosophy was that in a typical setting the typical peer speech and behavior models would be great for him. Long story short... we started Reid at Luke's old school in September of 2009 @ age 2 3/4 ....once the IEP came around in December we were already convinced that this placement was working out beautifully for him so he remained there all year on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We said, "No thank you" to the school districts preschool recommendation but said, "Thank you very much" when they agreed that he would receive speech 2x/week at what would have been his district home school, as well as OT 1x/week. This year we bumped Reid to a MWF class and again.... this little guy is thriving and we are so grateful for his loving and encouraging teachers he has who just adore him and rejoice with me/him when he reaches yet one more milestone.... what more could a mom ask for! ...ok, quick brag moment....I happened to pop in at school the other day as Reid was painting at the easel... instead of the usual paint "scribbles" ...though very artistic in their own right ;), this time he had painted perfect circles all over the paper....all different colors.... we all commented on it and then his teacher busted out a, "Reid, now you need to write your name on the paper" he had never done this before...in fact we've never even asked him to do that before BUT.....we all squealed and hugged each other when this little guy made an attempt to paint letters on top of his paper and with each "letter" which looked more like tiny circles but still he was getting the concept...he then accurately said R_ E_ I_ D .....Eeek, so super exciting for him, and us!!!!

Another thing I wanted to share is a letter we had emailed to the families in his class. If you are going to do "full inclusion" it might not be a bad idea to make contact with the other families in the class so there is a comfort factor there for others and they know you are approachable and welcome any questions they might have. We are very fortunate in that we have been blessed with some amazing families in Reid's class and when we sent the following letter we had parents respond back ...insert watery eyes here... actually thanking us for having him there and for what it was teaching their child. Side note.... this did not go out at the beginning of the year as I had intended, time got away from me so I sent it out as we first came back from Christmas vacation...
Here goes our letter....
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January 3rd, 2011

Dear __(name of school)__ Friends,

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

I am writing because I have some pictures of your children that I have been meaning to forward to you... that I took when I spent some time here and there in class. Time keeps getting away from me and so I decided I needed to get these over to you before any more time flies by! I will forward each of you the pictures that I have of your child later today.

I also wanted to take this time to say thank you..... thank you for being so loving and supportive of Reid.

Bringing a child with special needs to a "typical" preschool is a scary thing for a parent. We have worried about many things...will my child be accepted, is it the right fit, is it meeting his needs, is he able to make friends? It may not even be necessary to explain why we chose _______ for him but thought I'd let you know a little bit about our thought process... For Reid, having Down syndrome means he will have to work a little harder to learn to do things and it will take a little longer than a "typically developing child" but he'll get there. For him, one of those milestones that will take a little longer is being able to talk. Our philosophy is that being in a typical preschool class provides typical peer speech models that will help him to develop these skills. We have found research that also supports this but for us what we have witnessed the last two weeks with him home over vacation is the proof we needed. Our little guy has just started to explode with words... beginning with the Christmas program where all our cuties marched on stage with heir little halos to sing. My husband and I both looked at each other in that room with pools of water in our eyes when we saw Reid actually singing the words to the songs, he had never put that many words together before. He has walked around the house all vacation breaking into the songs and prattling on with stories which we are not always sure exactly what he is saying (although one of his new phrases is "HOE-leeeee cow" so apparently he is talking about something big and exciting) ....but he is trying to communicate and he now has the concept of adding multiple words to his thoughts....this is huge developmentally and again I say thank you because it is because of your children... they are the best speech therapists we could ask for! :)

The second reason we chose __________ is because we live here in the neighborhood and Reid will be going to school locally with many of the children. Reid will stand out all of his life because of his extra chromosome but our hope for him is that by being in a typical setting early on he will gain friends and allies who will look out for him and who will know that he is not any different than them. ....and this is where I thank your children! There have been many moments this year that have totally melted my heart, like when we came to school late one day because of dropping my older son off and as we got there Miss _____ told a particular little boy that Reid was now there so he could show him something he had brought and had wanted to show my son... I watched as this little boy pulled a Mickey Mouse out of his back pack to show Reid and watched Reid put his little hand up to his mouth in excitement and the two of them had this sweet exchange.... That was just so precious that even though Reid's words are limited he knew enough about my son to know that that would make Reid squeal with excitement. That is just one of many stories that have helped me to take a deep breath and know that what I had hoped for was working.

I probably should have addressed this at the beginning of the year but please feel free to share with your children what Down syndrome is if you haven't already. The way we first explained it to Reid's big brother was that he was born with an extra 21st chromosome in his body and because of it it takes him a little longer to do things but that he will be able to do them with time. Depending on each child some want more information and for some that is just enough.... if you ever wanted more information please let me know... I have quite a few websites in my repertoire now ;).

Most sincerely,

Cheri and Toby